T.M.U.T.I.T.U. – toilet paper

Toilet paper aka TP, bum wad, bog roll, arsewipe and my favourite, shit tickets.

This invention is one of the greatest and the first in this new category. This tissue paper product is primarily used for cleaning your anus (and surrounding areas) of fecal “material” (aka. shit) after defecation (aka. taking a shit).

It’s kind of like salt and food. You don’t realize how much you need it until it’s missing.

There’s a lot of thought put into today’s modern shit tickets. Not all tp-s are equal. There’s a lot of distinguishing technical(!!) factors like, size, weight, roughness, softness, chemical residues. You can get high-end, luxury versions that have special features like, “finger-breakthrough resistance technology” or water-absorption and many other technical qualities. Some even have a light coating of aloe or lotion or wax worked into the paper to reduce roughness. They might be embossed, perfumed or treated with anti-bacterial chemicals.

Talking about making an asshole happy huh. Treat your bum right.

Oh and it can also be used as a creative web interface! www.wipetheworldsass.com

On a scale from 1 TP to 5 TP-s, I give this “thing” a 5 TP rating!


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