iPad

iPad youPad, we pad each other on the back, but we pad especially Job’s back and the team behind him this time. The Apple iPad surfaced… All the trend whores have a new reason to live now… but if I’d put everything aside for a moment, I gotta’ give it to you Steve… you finally have a product I would seriously consider buying.

This little invention from Apple really fits the profile for people willing to browse the interwebz’, listen to music, watch porn, I mean photos, movies, or read a book for that matter without all the fuss and voodoo of “operating” a simple PC. Altho’ I don’t fit that profile, I’m more of a i7 Quadcore, lotsa’ram, Quadro FX graphics mobile workstation kind of guy… I could see myself waking up and reaching for my iPad first thing in the mornin’. Check the news and calendar, mail and shit, while I wake up… The calendar app looks really puuurtyyy btw. The book page peel effects are awesome to. In the design field, Apple rox ass, gotta give them that. Always liked the hardware design. Their logo is simply the best… Just like I like Logitech‘s designs… and yes I never said that I didn’t drool on the iPod/Phone’s glass touchscreen or it’s eyecandy transition effects like in all Apple software. My dislikes come from a whole different hole. That didn’t sound right… anyhooooo’ I’m not going to get into that, cuz this post would grow pretttty large. We don’t want that now. I will only share some main reasons iDislike Apple products in general. Here I go:

Them peeps try to patent everything. Soon they’ll patent farting, so when you fart, you pay. For every fart Jobs gets a dalla’… what can I say… America…  I’m-a sack’-a-you-a-dryyy-aaa! Muhahahahahaha! …and you’re gonna’ thank me for it. Gotta’ give it to them, they know how to make money… If only they could tune it down a little, so it doesn’t ruin their products.

The other thing… so this little gadgets starts at 499$. So many-many quadzillion people buy it… saying “wow it’s cheap, it’s awesome, my brainwashed brain tellz’ me I’ll only be happy if I own the thing brrr brrrr zzzzzzzzzz“, not realizing they’ll be milked like pornstars, I mean COWS… after they own the product and their brainwashed cerebro releases some happiness hormones from the “you’ll be happy if you buy, buy, buy, buy!!!!” level. So, you have the “cheap” product. Now what? You want movies? You pay! You want music? You pay! You wanna’ read books? You pay!! You wanna wipe your ass with toilet paper after you take a dump? You pay!!!! Yessss… that’s why I hate yer ass Steve… and your products… the reason I like PC-s… and I dislike Mac-s… on Mac-s you are constrained to a very narrow Steve specified way of working. Just like with the non-replaceable batteries. I mean what the fuck man?! Get a grip! When will it be enough?! If you’re programs chrash on Mac, you gotta send it to Apple service, while on PC, you just do your geek magic and it’s healed, TADAAAA. WOW…

The next thing… I’m not going to mention no (Adobe) flash capabilities cuz it’s getting old, what I am going to mention on the other hand is again… in the “when will it be enough??!” department. Just look at the iPhone. 1′st generation, 2′nd generation, 3′rd, 3GS, soon the 4G… or at the nano-s… Gen. X can play music, Gen. X+1 has a color display, Gen. X+2 has universal ear plug capabilities, Gen. X+3 plays video wow (not like you’re ever gonna’ watch one on a screen that “big”, but you’re brainwashed mind finds comfort in the thought that it’s “there”), Gen. X+4 if you shake it it shuffles music… wow Mr… can I suck your dick? Plzzz? I’ll pay you mister… I’ll buy one minute of sucky sucky time from the “Suck Steve Jobs dick store“. Same thing with the iPhone and the whole product line of the company. Wow iPhone, WOW it doesn’t know MMS, WOW, whata’ piece of crap… WOW it’s mono, WOW but none of those things matter, I’m a shallow, brainwashed, empty, trend whore but by owning an Apple product others will consider me hip… iPhone Gen.+1 WOW it has a camera and knows MMS… WOW gr8… are you catching my drift? The Apple logo changes they throw out a new product labeling it generation “insert number here” + 1… with a punchline like: “new hip logo device capabilities” wow… and your old generation “insert number here” – 1 Apple product suddenly becomes, by the shallow society you live in and try to impress… a stone age gay piece of shit. Yay!

Apple, for me at least, became the brand of brainwashed, trend whore, “got to much money” kind of people brand or of people who can horribly fuck up even a simple task like writing an e-mail aka old people. For whom installing an application is like Japanese… I’ll never understand why. All you have to do is to press next and ok + of course speak English. Is that so much to aX’? Really?

All this Nokia sues Apple, Apple sues Nokia, Kodak sues Apple, patent war is pathetic. It’s good that they can afford it… It’s somewhat entertaining at the same time, but with all the Apple brainwashed trend whores it doesn’t surprise me they can afford crap like that. Anyows what I was about to say, and you can mark my words… Apple starts to piss off other big companies like Wacom… they are showing them the finger while pissin’ on their lawn. Remember the post with the little mac app that turns your MacBook’s multitouch interface into a tablet with pressure sensitivity? … yeah, Wacom Intuos (check)… and now this. Bigass screen, in fact I’m already seeing pressure sensitivity brought to some next generations of iPad-s (Wacom Cintiq). That’s when we’ll read, “Wacom sued Apple” on the headlines. They are pissing off an awful lot of big playaz’… first Microsoft, than Nokia (and many others), soon Wacom . Mark my words peeps I’m good at predicting the near future in some domains… but enough of that… here’s some footage and images to feast your eyes on.

Enjoy!!

Nice job Apple. Watch their official polished hightech, clean iPad video.

Tune in next week for iPad 2G. Just kiddin’. I personally expected a 16:9 ratio screen with a very sleek minimal border size device. I guess it’ll evolve into something more like that eventually, but only after every trend whore has at least 4 generations of the same device

I’m outta’ here…